How the couple starts a fight???

I have a good and funny jokes about a couple started a fight.
When we read it, it's funny but when it happen to us, it isn't!
Good day!!!

My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said,"Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And then the fight started....
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch,
grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage.
I hooked the boat up tothe truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.
The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.
I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered,
"The weather out there is terrible.
"My loving wife of 10 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"
And then the fight started ....
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~

I rear-ended a car this morning.
So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.
You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?
Yeah, well I couldn't believe it....
He was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted,
"I AM NOT HAPPY!!!" So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"
And then the fight started.....
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'
I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started...
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her some place expensive...
so, I took her to a gas station.
And then the fight started...
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for SocialSecurity..
The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age.
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing mycurly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the SocialSecurity office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'
And then the fight started...
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'' Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend.
I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.
''My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started...
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started...
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,
'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.
'The husband replies, 'Your eye sight's damn near perfect.'
And then the fight started.....

Joke Time!!!

Driver's License

A mother is driving a little girl to her friend's house for a play date.

Mommy,' the little girl asks, 'how old are you?'

Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,' the mother replied.

It's not polite.'

OK', the little girl says, 'How much do you weigh?'

Now really,' the mother says, 'those are personal questions and are really none of your business.'

Undaunted, the little girl asks, 'Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?'

That is enough questions, young lady, honestly!'

The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.

My Mom won't tell me anything about her,' the little girl says to her friend.

Well,' says the friend, 'all you need to do is look at her driver's license. It is like a report card, it has everything on it.'

Later that night the little girl says to her mother, 'I know how old you are, you are 32.'

The mother is surprised and asks, 'How did you find that out?

I also know that you weigh 140 pounds.'

The mother is past surprised and shocked now. 'How in heaven's name did you find that out?'

And,' the little girl says triumphantly, 'I know why you and daddy got a divorce.'

Oh really?' the mother asks. 'Why?'

Because you got an F in sex'

Have a nice day to y'all.......

It's Joke Time!!!!

We all need some smiles on our faces so I'm giving you some jokes that I got from my email and I can't stop laughing because it was a good jokes. I promise that you will laugh out loud and none stop....I'm still laughing out loud until now, he he he....

KODIGO
Nahuling may kodigo ang estudyante.. .
Guro: Ano 'to?
Estudyante: Prayer ko po, ma'am!
Guro: At bakit answers ang nakasulat?
Estudyante: Naku! Sinagot na ang prayers ko!

ALIMASAG
Nakaamoy si Ngongo ng pabango sa isang store.
Sabi ni Ngongo, "Ale, mango!"
Sabi naman ng saleslady, "Pabango 'yan, hindi alimango!"
Ulit ni Ngongo, "Ale, mango!"
Nag-agawan si Ngongo at ang saleslady sa pabango.
Nahulog ang pabango atnabasag.
Sabi ni Ngongo, "Ale, masag!"

PLANTSA
Dok: Anong nangyari sa mga tenga mo?
Joshue: Nagpaplantsa kasi ako nang kumiriring ang telepono.Aksidenteng na-pick up ko 'yungplantsa.
Dok: Eh bakit dalawang tenga mo ang nagkaganyan?
Joshue: Ang gago, tumawag uli!

ALITAPTAP
Anak: Tatay, hindi ako makatulog, kasi, maraming lamok!
Tatay: Papatayin natin ang ilaw para hindi tayo makita.(Pagpatay sa ilaw, dumating ang mga alitaptap... )
Anak: Hala ka, Tatay, nagdala sila ng flashlight!

SIOPAO
Kulas: Miss, isa ngang siopao, 'yung babae.
Waitress: Babaeng siopao???
Kulas: Oo. 'Yung may papel na sapin. Kumbaga, napkin.
Waitress: Ahh, ganun po ba? Lalaki po ang nandito.
Kulas: Lalaki??????
Waitress: May itlog po sa loob.

PERFECT HEAVEN:
Having American salary, British home, German car, Chinese food, and Pinoywife!

PERFECT HELL:
Having Chinese car, British wife, German food, American home and Pinoy salary!

WATSA SAY?
Bobo: pare hulaan mo ugali ko, nagsisimula ng letter A
Pare: approachable?
Bobo: mali
Pare: amiable
Bobo: mali pa rin
Pare: o sige, sirit na nga
Bobo: Anest

DENIAL KING QUEEN PALA
1 binatilyo pumasok sa isang gay bar. Nalaman ng nanay niya at nagalit
Nanay: ano naman ang nakita mo dun na di mo dapat makita?
Binatilyo: si Tatang po gumigiling.

YUCCKEE
Tindero: Hoy, bili ka gatas ng baka? P10 piso lang isang baso
Manong: Ang mahal naman, may tig piso lang nyan?
Tindero: Meron po, pero kayo na po ang dumede sa baka.

WHERE NGA BA
A naked girl rode on a taxi
"Bakit" asked the girl at the driver na nakatitig sa katawan nya"Ngayon ka lang ba nakakita ng hubad?"
Driver: "Hindi po miss, iniisip ko lang kung saan nakatago pamasahe mo"

THE PRIZE
Wife shouting.... . "Honey mag-impake ka na, nanalo ako sa lotto"
Husband: "Wow, anong dadalhin ko?"
Wife: "Wala akong pakialam basta lumayas ka na"

QUE?
Pare 1: 'Pare, magkaiba medyas mo, isang pula at isang azul'
Pare 2: 'Ewan ko nga kung saan nabili ng misis ko ito. May isa panga akong pares na ganito rin and kulay sa bahay'

BEAUTY CONTEST.....
Emcee: What's the big problem facing the country today?
Contestant: Drugs
Emcee: Very good, why do you say that?
Contestant: Ang mahal kasi eh!

Have A Nice Day to y'all.....